Month: January 2018

Trump Negotiates Trade Deal With China In Exchange For The Great Wall

January 29th, 2018

Davos, Switzerland:    The White House today confirmed a new trade deal with China that would relocate the Great Wall to the US-Mexico border as the world economic forum in Davos Switzerland winds down.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was in Davos and was able to speak with Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

She would not take any questions but made a statement.

“Jesus Christ Mocksham, how do you find this stuff out.”

“Look, this deal is going to make all other trade deals obsolete. China does not need the damn wall anymore, so they let us have it for free in exchange for moving all remaining US manufacturing jobs to China.”

“It’s a win-win for us, we get our border wall and no one has to pay for it. Also, since the US will no longer have any messy polluting manufacturing jobs left, the environment will get better.”

“The flood of cheap Chinese made American products imported back to the US will create new retail jobs here in the states at Amazon warehouses to offset the loss of manufacturing jobs.”

“Plus, the Great Wall is quite the sight and will generate billions in tourist dollars for the states along the border.”

“While the rest of the world gets suckered into useless trade deals like the TPP, we are busy making America great Again Mocksham, one great wall at a time.”



Trump and GOP Crown First Year Of Bad Government Together With Shutdown

January 20th, 2018

Washington, DC: After decades of campaign rhetoric denouncing the ineffectiveness of big government, the GOP is beaming about the current complete dysfunction that they have brought to the halls of power in D.C. Their mutual historical incompetence is now culminating in a government shutdown to mark the one year anniversary of the GOP controlling both houses of congress and the executive branch.

Republicans are very proud of the mess that they have made with the federal government. Conservative legislators and pundits alike are quick to boast about how ineffective and weak the federal government has become.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham had lunch at the Capitol cafeteria and spoke to several administration and legislative Republican leaders. When asked about their historically bad execution and lack of clear leadership in all phases of the federal government, they all agreed that it was a job well done.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions: “I’ve been telling you for years Mocksham that big government is a creepy swamp creature from the deepest darkest bayou.”sessions1

Vice President Pence: “Big government is evil, I am talking Old Testament Evil Mocksham.
King Solomons court on Viagra.”Mike Pence

Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell: “Stop whining people. This is what bad government does. This is what you elected Republicans to do. Stop acting so shocked.”Mitch McConnell, John Cornyn

House Speaker Paul Ryan: “ I have worked so hard my entire political life to be here and play such an important role in this historical moment of government incompetence. I want to thank my constituents for being ignorant enough to keep electing me.”paul-ryan

“You get what you vote for.”

The Grim Reaper Takes Full Blame For False Missile Alert In Hawaii.

January 14th, 2018

Honolulu Hawaii:  Death today confessed that he is to blame for the false missile alert that terrified the residents of the island chain and 50th US state.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was in the Aloha state and was one of the many startled vacationers and locals who spent 30 minutes not knowing what to do or how to respond. Death invited Mocksham to spend an afternoon at a local beach to explain why he created the false missile alert.

“Give me your hand Andy, let’s walk down to the water.”

“Don’t be afraid, it is not your time.”


“Firstly, I will not apologize for making the false alert. Chaos is how I operate.”

“I often get depressed Andy. Oh, not for the reasons that you think, death is my job not just my name. I get down because people are living longer, thanks to global socialism and health care with vaccinations. There are no major plagues looming on the horizon any time soon”

“And earth is in the longest peaceful period in it’s history. There are minor conflicts globally all the time but no big conflagrations that give me reason to be joyous for a big harvest.”

“So I come to this beautiful beach to catch some waves , play volleyball and to take in the warm ambiance of the islands. I often sit in the lifeguard station hoping someone will drown or get eaten by a shark.”




“I was hoping that if I created a false missile attack that Trump would panic and launch a nuclear counter-strike. It would have been glorious.”

“Anyways, I must leave now for Turkey.  An airliner will be skidding off the end of the runway soon. I may have some souls to harvest.”

“Don’t judge me.”


North Korea Blames Missile Launches On Great Leaders Cat

January 12th, 2018

Pyongyang, DPRK;    The Korean Central News Agency, the official news source of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea has placed the blame for all of its recent missile launches squarely on the feline shoulders of the Supreme Leaders pet cat.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was back in action and on the Korean peninsula to report about the preparations for the 2018 winter Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea next month. He was invited to do a rare interview with the North Korean supreme leader, Kim Jong-un at his palace in Pyonyang.

The interview was very brief and conducted with an interpreter. Mocksham was informed at the start that he was only allowed a few questions, all approved by the interpreters overseer in advance. The overseer would submit the questions to his superior who would then relay them to the Supreme Leader. The questions would only be allowed to cover the topic submitted by the Korean Central news Agency.

The topic was the inadvertent systematic launching of progressively more advanced missiles by North Korea in the last 18 months.

Mockshams first approved question was;   Who is directly responsible for the missile launches?

The answer from the interpreter; “The Supreme leader has a very talented and mischievous pet cat whom has free reign of the great desk of the people where the Supreme Leader controls the entire universe from. This special and very talented cat has advanced button pressing skills and seems to know when the Supreme leader has mastered the next step in missile technology. His super being cat curiosity makes him inadvertently press the launch button on the great desk of the people while the Supreme Leader is tending to other areas of the universal perfection of mankind.”

Next approved question;    Where did this cat come from and what is his name?

Answer;   “American President Trump gave the amazing and skilled cat to the Supreme Leaders father back when he was the great ruler of all the universe. NBA basketball star and best basketball player in the universe Dennis Rodman delivered the gift personally. The cat was seen to have incredible, amazing, fantastic abilities and allowed full access to the great desk of the people.”

“His name is revered in modern folklore and dynasty, it is said to have been bestowed upon him by the then reality TV show host Trump himself, It is  배설물 국가  or ‘Shithole Country’ in English. It is said that this name represents Trumps view of the entire universe outside of the USA.”

“What better name for a cat who is clever enough to launch missiles. Thank you once again President Trump.”