December 25th, 2018
Washington, DC: President Trump has accused legendary goodwill toy maker Santa Claus of being in control of the so-called ‘Deep State’ and that he is also behind the Mueller investigation.
The press release was made while the President was all alone inside the white house as the rest of the staff were either at home for the Christmas holiday, or furloughed by the partial government shutdown over funding for a border wall.
RFN reporter Andy Mocksham went to the white house and was allowed to ask the President a few questions about the statement. When asked if he made the statement and if so, what proof was there that Santa was in control of the deep state, the President responded;
“You gotta listen to me Andy, I’m not crazy! I was sitting here all alone in this bigly house and it all became so clear, like a vision. I wasn’t even watching Fox or anything else, so it’s all my own thoughts on this.”
“I was looking back at recent events and clearly the only person who could have seen me being naughty is Santa, right? He knows when you’ve been naughty.”
“But how could he possibly know? I’ll tell you how, the deep state, that’s how.”
“They all work for him, it’s the ultimate collusion and no one wants to even talk about it with me. it’s as if everyone is afraid of this creepy guy who spies on all of us all year long.”
“Many people also think this but are too scaredly of him to even consider it.”
“I arrested him last Christmas for the safety of the markets from all of his free socialist crap he gives away and he somehow managed to escape. How could he escape and not be shot down without collusion with the deep state Andy, how?”
“And now the markets are all collapsing, it’s his fault, not mine.”
“And then last night I watched as NORAD was able to track him going all over the place like they all work for him and not me, I mean really, I am the damn President, not Santa. Nobody even cares that am stuck here all alonely and all, explain that Mocksham.”
“I even sent Santa a letter asking him for my bigly beautiful wall and to have Mueller back off of me and my family but he didn’t even answer me back, so obviously he is also behind the wall not being funded by Congress.”
“He has never answered my letters, ever. I knew when I was seven that he was never my friend, marginally at first, but for sure not my friend now.”
“This shut down is all Santa and his deep states fault, not mine. He should man up and take the blame.”
“You want further proof, Andy? Why did they name the NSA the NSA? I’ll tell you why. It stands for the National Santa Agency.”
“Print that in your fake news!”
