November 27th, 2018
Pasadena, California: Flight controllers at NASA’s Jet Propulsion lab yesterday leaped into the air and celebrated wildly as NASA’s Mars InSight probe landed successfully on the planets red surface.
The joy and sweet taste of victory were short-lived however as the first images taken from the probe were transmitted and received at the flight control center.
They clearly showed a crowd of Martians protesting the arrival of yet another lander and research probe from Earth on their planet.
Less than an hour later a video message from the Martian great leader known only as ‘Ack-Ack-AckAckAck’ was received by NASA technicians and relayed to the White House, State Department, and Pentagon.
NASA translated the message;
“Mars will no longer accept the constant violation of our proud patriot heritage by small-skull zealot explorers from Earth. We have watched with much patience as you have spent decades probing our weaknesses and resources with lander after lander. First the Viking landers, all the way to today’s probe.”
“Your probes will eventually steal our jobs, they will rape our landscape, they bring microbes and viruses into our atmosphere. Some of them are good probes, I assume, but most of them are very, very, very bad probes.”
RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was at the Jet Propulsion Lab and was given access to a communications station by NASA. He asked if ‘Ack-Ack-AckAckAck’ would agree to an interview. He responded that he would.
When asked why he felt that Earth was attacking Mars he replied;
“Your planets landers, rovers and probes are all undocumented alien spacecraft that are violating our planets immigration laws. If they want to live on Mars then they need to stay on Earth and apply for legal immigrant and resident status.”
“I believe my intelligence sources when they tell me that this InSight probe is designed by fossil fuel companies and is specifically engineered to drill deep into our planet to access our oil capacity. Fossil fuel use almost destroyed our planet and atmosphere and we will not simply sit back and let you use the rest to help destroy Earths and what is left of Mars.”
“Besides, tell your Yankee leader that we do not accept his kind on Mars. We are a red planet and not an orange one.”