December 11th, 2018
Washington, DC: In a surprise press release today, the white house informed the world that President Trump has chosen the Swamp Thing as his new Chief of Staff. The announcement stated that the new Chief of Staff would take over the job at the beginning of the year in January.
White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was not available for comment and the door to her office was locked.
RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was able to reach both the president and the soon to be Chief of Staff however and was able to ask both of them about the surprise selection for the position.
When asked why he chose Swamp Thing as his new Chief of Staff, Trump responded;
“Andy, I have said in the past that I only hire the best people, and I still do. The west wing is a bubbling bigly smelly swamp of creatures already, so I picked the best man or plant, not sure what he is really, for the job.”
“He will bring a new atmosphere to the slimy mess around here, that’s for sure. Melania is not too crazy about how he dresses or the way he smells, but hey, I’m the boss around here.”
“Besides, no one else wanted the job for some reason.”
When Mocksham spoke to the Swamp Thing, he asked him why he wanted to be the Presidents Chief of Staff while so many others are abandoning the administration, and what will be the changes he plans to make if any. He answered;
“Andy my old friend, this job is perfect for me. Washington DC was built on an old swamp and has been nicknamed a swamp for decades. The current administration has been making the waters even murkier and I feel that it’s finally my time to serve.”
“Changes? Sure, I plan quite a few changes around here. But as much as I love your real fake news, I’m not going to tip my hand before I get sworn in.”
“I will only say this for now. The white house swimming pool has been turned into a slimy swamp, just for starters. I need to freshen up with a good swim in dark murky waters with my swamp friends a few times a day. The President has taken a few swims in it already and he really enjoys it, he seems quite at home in it. Besides, he needs the exercise.”
“Nobody around here wanted to swim in the old pool anyway, too much chlorine.”
President Trump enjoying a swim in the newly renovated white house swimming pool