Category: Conspiracies

Conspiracies, Politics, U.S. March 16, 2018

Roofs Collapse On Local GOP Headquarters All Across The USA

March 16^th, 2018

Washington, DC: All across the USA this winter, the roofs of local headquarters of the Republican National Committee have been collapsing. These collapses have occurred in many regions across the USA from Wisconsin, to as far south as Sarasota, Florida. And as recent as March 13^th in the 18^th congressional district of Pennsylvania.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was in the capitol today and was granted an interview with the current Republican National Committee chairperson, and former Governor of Massachusetts niece, Ronna Romney McDaniel.

When asked just how many roofs had collapsed on the RNC since January 2017, she responded;

“I am not sure of the total number, but it is between 40 and 50.”

“It all depends on whether you consider the headquarters of local RNC buildings involved, such as in elections for governor and mayor, as part of the total.”

“Either way it has been epic. Who would have thought that the weight of millions of snowflakes could do so much damage in so many places?”

NASA Places SOS Message On White House Roof

March 1^st, 2018

Washington, DC: Nasa confirmed today that they were responsible for the large phallus shaped SOS message drawn on the roof of the White House.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham broke the story after he went up to the roof of the White House and noticed the drawing. When he asked who made the drawing, The White House roof staff responded;

“A team of NASA personnel just showed up one day and drew it.”

Mocksham then contacted NASA headquarters. NASA spokesperson Buzz Gemini agreed to answer a few questions. Mocksham asked if NASA made the drawing on the White House roof, and if so, why? Gemini answered;

“Yes Mocksham, we drew the large phallus on the roof of the White House. We here at NASA have seen many symbols found on other planets, the moon and yes, even here on Earth. The Nazca plains in Peru for example.”

Mars phallus

“It is quite obvious from our knowledge of this ancient alien language that the phallus is the symbol of a planet being screwed over, so we felt it to be imperative that we place it on the roof of the most powerful building on Earth.”

“Maybe the Vulcans will see it and intervene in our planets time line a century earlier than planned.”

“The Ferengi are already here.”

Conspiracies, Politics, U.S. February 20, 2018February 20, 2018

A WEEK IN THE DEEP STATE

February 19^th, 2018

Washington, DC: RFN reporter Andy Mocksham spent a week deep inside the Deep State with its new director, Dr Strangelove. It was a very eye-opening experience.

When asked what the Deep State really was, Strangelove replied;

“Vell, diz iz a tricky qvestion Mocksham, UGHH…AGHH…DGHH…I really have no idea myzelf…Hehehe…I vas hoping dat you vould know? Hehehe”

“As you vill see, I have velly little to do except to make sure dat ze Deep State…AGHH…UNGHH…Remains velly Deep and full of ze murky shadowz.”

“Vatever dat meanz.”

Strangelove went on to show Mocksham how he protects a shadow government that does not exist. His security detail is made up solely of heavily armed, sometimes scantily clad Nuns, or as Strangelove refers to them; “Ze zisterz who leave ze blisterz.”

Strangelove is also working with expert animal trainers to teach squirrels how to fly and sword fight with brand new prototype light sabers. And he has even managed to do what Dr evil has failed to do many times, create a shark with a real laser on it’s head.

Dr strangelove even has a new secret prototype space plane developed by NASA that is named “Deep State One.”

“Not even Mein Furher, I mean ze Prezident knowz about it. Itz a velly goot ting dat no vone readz your silly fake newz Mocksham, Hehehe.”

“Ve vill protect ze deep shadowz and Mein Furher GAHH..UNGHH…DGHH….From all ze threatz from ze land , ze sea and ze air.”

“To be honezt Mocksham, I am velly bored AGHH…DGHH…But I am having ze time of my life!”

“Letz go play vit my security AGCK…UNGH…. I mean letz go see if ze Zisterz are ready for a surprize attack…AGHH..UGHH…Hehehe…Hehehe…”

Dr Strangeloves cat “Malevolent.”

Dr Strangeloves Deep State office is located deep inside of a bunker underneath the US Capitol.

Conspiracies, Defense, Lifestyle, Politics, World January 14, 2018January 14, 2018

The Grim Reaper Takes Full Blame For False Missile Alert In Hawaii.

January 14^th, 2018

Honolulu Hawaii: Death today confessed that he is to blame for the false missile alert that terrified the residents of the island chain and 50^th US state.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was in the Aloha state and was one of the many startled vacationers and locals who spent 30 minutes not knowing what to do or how to respond. Death invited Mocksham to spend an afternoon at a local beach to explain why he created the false missile alert.

“Give me your hand Andy, let’s walk down to the water.”

“Don’t be afraid, it is not your time.”

“Firstly, I will not apologize for making the false alert. Chaos is how I operate.”

“I often get depressed Andy. Oh, not for the reasons that you think, death is my job not just my name. I get down because people are living longer, thanks to global socialism and health care with vaccinations. There are no major plagues looming on the horizon any time soon”

“And earth is in the longest peaceful period in it’s history. There are minor conflicts globally all the time but no big conflagrations that give me reason to be joyous for a big harvest.”

“So I come to this beautiful beach to catch some waves , play volleyball and to take in the warm ambiance of the islands. I often sit in the lifeguard station hoping someone will drown or get eaten by a shark.”

“I was hoping that if I created a false missile attack that Trump would panic and launch a nuclear counter-strike. It would have been glorious.”

“Anyways, I must leave now for Turkey. An airliner will be skidding off the end of the runway soon. I may have some souls to harvest.”

“Don’t judge me.”

Conspiracies, Defense, Family, Lifestyle, Social, World December 25, 2017

Real Shots Fired In The War On Christmas

December 25^th, 2017

Elmendorf Air Force Base, Alaska: The USA launched an actual shooting war on Santa Claus when NORAD fighter jets fired air to air missiles at Santa, his sleigh and reindeer.

Earlier in the day reports had surfaced that Santa and Mrs Claus had managed to escape from security at Elmendorf Air Force base outside of Anchorage Alaska where they were being held for “Crimes against capitalism.”

Santa actually took the podium at the airbase and made a small statement to the only member of the media present at the time. RFN reporter Andy Mocksham.

“People of Earth. Tell your children that I will fulfill my duty to bring the spirit of giving to every home on the planet, including the homes in the USA.”

“Contrary to the beliefs of naughty people currently in high places in the USA, the spirit of giving and caring is not Socialism. It is the right thing to do. And just plain fun. It is much better to give.”

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders refused to answer any questions regarding the missiles fired at Santas sleigh.

After he made his appointed yearly rounds to those not on the naughty list, Santa again stated that he will never be detained, or prevented from spreading the spirit of giving around the globe, and here in the USA.

“I don’t have any special military technology Andy, I just have the spirit of giving. It is more of a magical thing. The power of giving is stronger than anything else. Giving is not socialism. It’s not communism. It’s not military strength. It is just the good vibes of being a human being.”

“And not a selfish monster. To you and yours Mocksham. Peace to all mankind and to all a good night.”

“HoHoHo.”

The Pentagon released this photo of Santa as he escaped

Air Force targeting image of Santa

Air Force missiles could not target Santas sleigh

Santa and the reindeer after another successful holiday
mission

Conspiracies, Galaxy, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Politics, science, Taxes, World December 2, 2017December 5, 2017

NASA Claims It Has Proof That Conservatives Are Led By The Ferengi

December 2nd, 2017

Area 51, Nevada: NASA today revealed it has proof that the entire conservative, or ‘Neo Liberal’ movement of the last forty years has been controlled by operatives of the Ferengi Alliance. A defector from that planets board of liquidators revealed some startling information that goes a long way to explain many economic programs in the UK and USA since the late 70’s.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was granted a meeting with the defector, as long as his identity is kept a secret. This is what he revealed to Mocksham;

“Nice to meet you Mocksham, as you know, since the late 70’s the neo liberal movement began here on Earth. It was all started when members of the Ferengi commerce authority realized that the best way to accumulate the wealth of this planet was through the political process. They began our takeover by having DaiMon Thatcher become the Grand Nagus, or prime minister of the UK. She was ruthless in passing laws that broke the backs of unions and privatizing many public services for vast amounts of profit.

The movement continued with the great American Nagus Reagan, who duplicated her success in transferring wealth to the top in his country. It has also been championed by the many proud Ferengi who have become the top CEO’s of most of earths banks and large corporations like Nestle.

These elite Ferengi members of the commerce authority have infiltrated every level of government in most of Earths countries now, even at state and local levels. The Ferengi rules of acquisition have been modified and adapted to the crude Human form of capitalism practiced here. Your planets resources and wealth are then converted to gold pressed latinum and transferred ‘Off shore’ to our planets Divine Treasury.

Now, with DaiMon Trump as US President, and many Ferengi in the US congress, the ability to pass even more profitable laws like the GOP’s new tax legislation will accelerate the process. Soon, many more Humans will be left homeless and without medical insurance. This pleases us greatly since it is only through the suffering of the masses that great wealth flows to the few.”

Agriculture, Conspiracies, Finance, Food, Law, Social November 23, 2017November 25, 2017

Wild Turkey Terror Group Threatens To Disrupt Shipping This December

November 24^th, 2017

Washington DC: The department of homeland security today said that a domestic terror group of wild turkeys is threatening to disrupt shipping all across the USA during the busiest time of year for commerce. The group calls itself T.U.R.K.Y.

Homeland security says that their announcement correlates with a series of daring attacks across the USA on delivery drivers from the Postal Service, FedEx and UPS. In their most brazen attack to date, a FedEx cargo jet had to abort takeoff after a large flock of wild turkeys flew into it’s path. Surveillance video footage show wild turkeys stealing packages placed on front porches by delivery drivers all across the USA.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham met up with the leader of the T.U.R.K.Y. terror group, Jake Butterball, at a secret location. He asked him why wild turkeys were disrupting commerce.

“We turkeys have been getting plucked and feathered by the man for far too long Mocksham.”

“It first started way back when Benjamin Franklin wanted to make the Wild Turkey the symbol of the new country and was overruled in favor of the Bald Eagle. Then the man began to capture us and domesticated us for profit.”

“The final straw was when the man started to promote Christmas and all of that rampant consumerism right after Halloween. Thanksgiving is our time to be honored by the man, and he mocks us with Christmas.”

“We, the warriors of T.U.R.K.Y. will never let that happen! GOBBLE,GOBBLE,GOBBLE,GOBBLE, GOBBLE.”

T.U.R.K.Y. leader Jake Butterball

T.U.R.K.Y members blocking delivery trucks

Members of T.U.R.K.Y jumped in front of this vehicle on icy roads causing this crash.

FedEx cargo jet aborts takeoff after members of T.U.R.K.Y flew into it’s path.

Conspiracies, Domestic, Mental Health, Politics October 6, 2017February 4, 2018

Trump Appoints Dr Strangelove As Head Of The “Deep State Secret Shadow Government”

October 6^th, 2017. Washington, DC: President Trump today named Dr Strangelove as his choice to head the “Deep state” shadow government that everyone on conservative media has been saying exists.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was back in the US capital and reached the President on his still unsecured Samsung Galaxy smart phone. He asked Trump why he would appoint someone to head a federal agency that many call a hoax.

“First of all, welcome back Mocksham, sorry about your dog or dad, whoever died. Whatever.”

“Just because people say there is no shadow deep state doesn’t mean that deep state shadows don’t exist. I see deep shadows all over the White House, even after I had it remodeled this summer with gold plating. Very creepy Mocksham, let me tell you.”

When reporter Mocksham asked the President why he chose Dr Stranglove to head an invisible, murky, non existent government, Trump responded;

“Strangelove gets the job done. How many North Korean missiles have hit our tremendous country since I placed him in charge of Star Wars Missile defense? None. He’s the best at all this deep shadowy stuff, the best. That I can assure you.”

When reached by phone and asked about his appointment, Dr Strangelove replied;

“ Vell, dis iz..iz..iz…VELLY STLANGE to say ze leezt…UGGHH..AHK..HaHaHa…I apologize..My hand haz a mind of itz own…Hahaha….
“BUT I VILL SAY DIZ…..UGGH….If Mein Fuhrer Vantz me to lead Ze Vay into Ze Deep Shadows I ACCEPT!..HaHaHa!”

“Ha…HaHaHa…Ha!”

Conspiracies, Mental Health, Politics, Religion August 19, 2017August 20, 2017

President Trump Asks NASA To Find Missing White House Staff

August 19^th, 2017

Bedminster, New Jersey: NASA confirmed today that President Trump has ordered the agency to conduct a search for his missing cabinet members.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham went with the President on his morning round of golf at Trumps summer White House in Bedminster New Jersey. He asked the President why he felt that NASA needed to search for missing cabinet members. Trump replied;

“They are the experts at alien abductions Mocksham. Haven’t you ever watched the X files?”

When asked why he felt that aliens are abducting his staff, Trump answered back;

“Where else could they have gone? It seems like every time I look up from making a tweet another one is missing.”

“Good God Andy. First General Flynn. Then Comey, Bharara, Dubke, Shaub, Spicey, Preibus, Short, Harvey, the Mooch and now Banny Banana Bannon. My entire business advisory council. I can’t even remember all of them anymore. The only ones the aliens haven’t touched is my religious advisory council, and to be honest I can understand why, those people freak me out bigly. Every time I see them they put their hands on me and start speaking really funny.”

“Pretty soon the only people left will be all these religious nuts and the voices inside my head.”

“NASA better not blow this or I will have no choice but to get rid of the whole agency.”

The Real Fake News