Category: Conspiracies

Real Shots Fired In The War On Christmas

December 25th, 2017

Elmendorf Air Force Base, Alaska: The USA launched an actual shooting war on Santa Claus when NORAD fighter jets fired air to air missiles at Santa, his sleigh and reindeer.

Earlier in the day reports had surfaced that Santa and Mrs. Claus had managed to escape from security at Elmendorf Air Force base outside of Anchorage Alaska where they were being held for “Crimes against capitalism.”

Santa actually took the podium at the airbase and made a small statement to the only member of the media present at the time. RFN reporter Andy Mocksham.

“People of Earth. Tell your children that I will fulfill my duty to bring the spirit of giving to every home on the planet, including the homes in the USA.”


“Contrary to the beliefs of naughty people currently in high places in the USA, the spirit of giving and caring is not Socialism. It is the right thing to do. And just plain fun. It is much better to give.”

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders refused to answer any questions regarding the missiles fired at Santas sleigh.

After he made his appointed yearly rounds to those not on the naughty list, Santa again stated that he will never be detained, or prevented from spreading the spirit of giving around the globe, and here in the USA.

“I don’t have any special military technology Andy, I just have the spirit of giving. It is more of a magical thing. The power of giving is stronger than anything else. Giving is not socialism. It’s not communism. It’s not military strength. It is just the good vibes of being a human being.”

“And not a selfish monster. To you and yours Mocksham. Peace to all mankind and to all a good night.”


The Pentagon released this photo of Santa as he escaped
santa fighter jet 1

Air Force targeting image of Santa
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santa fighter jet5

Air Force missiles could not target Santas sleigh
santa fighter jet 2

Santa and the reindeer after another successful holiday
missionsanta and reindeer


NASA Claims It Has Proof That Conservatives Are Led By The Ferengi

December 2nd, 2017

Area 51, Nevada:    NASA today revealed it has proof that the entire conservative, or ‘Neo-Liberal’ movement of the last forty years has been controlled by operatives of the Ferengi Alliance. A defector from that planets board of liquidators revealed some startling information that goes a long way to explain many economic programs in the UK and USA since the late 70’s.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was granted a meeting with the defector, as long as his identity is kept a secret. This is what he revealed to Mocksham;

“Nice to meet you Mocksham, as you know, since the late 70’s the neo-liberal movement began here on Earth. It was all started when members of the Ferengi commerce authority realized that the best way to accumulate the wealth of this planet was through the political process. They began our takeover by having DaiMon Thatcher become the Grand Nagus or prime minister of the UK. She was ruthless in passing laws that broke the backs of unions and privatizing many public services for vast amounts of profit.”

ferengi thatcher

“The movement continued with the great American Nagus Reagan, who duplicated her success in transferring wealth to the top in his country. It has also been championed by the many proud Ferengi who have become the top CEO’s of most of the earth banks and large corporations like Nestle.”

ferengi brabeck=letmathe

“These elite Ferengi members of the commerce authority have infiltrated every level of government in most of Earths countries now, even at state and local levels. The Ferengi rules of acquisition have been modified and adapted to the crude Human form of capitalism practiced here. Your planets resources and wealth are then converted to gold pressed latinum and transferred ‘Offshore’ to our planets Divine Treasury.”

“Now, with DaiMon Trump as US President, and many Ferengi in the US Congress, the ability to pass even more profitable laws like the GOP’s new tax legislation will accelerate the process. Soon, many more Humans will be left homeless and without medical insurance.”

“This pleases us greatly since it is only through the suffering of the masses that great wealth flows to the few.”

ferengi trump


Wild Turkey Terror Group Threatens To Disrupt Shipping This December

November 24th, 2017

Washington DC:    The department of homeland security today said that a domestic terror group of wild turkeys is threatening to disrupt shipping all across the USA during the busiest time of year for commerce. The group calls itself T.U.R.K.Y.

Homeland security says that their announcement correlates with a series of daring attacks across the USA on delivery drivers from the Postal Service, FedEx, and UPS. In their most brazen attack to date, a FedEx cargo jet had to abort takeoff after a large flock of wild turkeys flew into its path. Surveillance video footage shows wild turkeys stealing packages placed on front porches by delivery drivers all across the USA.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham met up with the leader of the T.U.R.K.Y. terror group, Jake Butterball, at a secret location. He asked him why wild turkeys were disrupting commerce.

“We turkeys have been getting plucked and feathered by the man for far too long Mocksham.”

“It first started way back when Benjamin Franklin wanted to make Wild Turkey the symbol of the new country and was overruled in favor of the Bald Eagle. Then the man began to capture us and domesticated us for profit.”

“The final straw was when the man started to promote Christmas and all of that rampant consumerism right after Halloween. Thanksgiving is our time to be honored by the man, and he mocks us with Christmas.”

“We, the warriors of T.U.R.K.Y. will never let that happen! GOBBLE,GOBBLE,GOBBLE,GOBBLE, GOBBLE.”

T.U.R.K.Y. leader Jake Butterball
turkey face

T.U.R.K.Y members blocking delivery trucks
turkeys threaten deliverys

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turkeys threaten deliverys 4

fed ex turkey

Members of T.U.R.K.Y jumped in front of this vehicle on icy roads causing this crash.

FedEx cargo jet aborts takeoff after members of T.U.R.K.Y  flew into it’s path.
fed ex

Trump Appoints Dr Strangelove As Head Of The “Deep State Secret Shadow Government”

October 6th, 2017. Washington, DC:     President Trump today named Dr Strangelove as his choice to head the “Deep state” shadow government that everyone on conservative media has been saying exists.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was back in the US capital and reached the President on his still unsecured Samsung Galaxy smartphone. He asked Trump why he would appoint someone to head a federal agency that many call a hoax.

“First of all, welcome back Mocksham, sorry about your dog or dad, whoever died. Whatever.”

“Just because people say there is no shadow deep state doesn’t mean that deep state shadows don’t exist. I see deep shadows all over the White House, even after I had it remodeled this summer with gold plating. Very creepy Mocksham, let me tell you.”

When reporter Mocksham asked the President why he chose Dr. Stranglove to head an invisible, murky, nonexistent government, Trump responded;

“Strangelove gets the job done. How many North Korean missiles have hit our tremendous country since I placed him in charge of Star Wars Missile defense? None. He’s the best at all this deep shadowy stuff, the best. That I can assure you.”

When reached by phone and asked about his appointment, Dr. Strangelove replied;

“ Vell, dis iz..iz..iz…VELLY STLANGE to say ze leezt…UGGHH..AHK..HaHaHa…I apologize..My hand haz a mind of itz own…Hahaha…. 20170930_210142
“BUT I VILL SAY DIZ…..UGGH….If Mein Fuhrer Vantz me to lead Ze Vay into Ze Deep Shadows I ACCEPT!..HaHaHa!”

“Ha…HaHaHa…Ha!” 20170930_205738(1)

shadow government

President Trump Asks NASA To Find Missing White House Staff

August 19th, 2017

Bedminster, New Jersey:      NASA confirmed today that President Trump has ordered the agency to conduct a search for his missing cabinet members.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham went with the President on his morning round of golf at Trumps summer White House in Bedminster New Jersey. He asked the President why he felt that NASA needed to search for missing cabinet members. Trump replied;

“They are the experts at alien abductions Mocksham. Haven’t you ever watched the X files?”

When asked why he felt that aliens are abducting his staff, Trump answered back;

“Where else could they have gone? It seems like every time I look up from making a tweet another one is missing.”

“Good God Andy. First General Flynn. Then Comey, Bharara, Dubke, Shaub, Spicey, Priebus, Short, Harvey, the Mooch and now Banny Banana Bannon. My entire business advisory council. I can’t even remember all of them anymore. The only ones the aliens haven’t touched is my religious advisory council, and to be honest I can understand why, those people freak me out bigly. Every time I see them they put their hands on me and start speaking really funny.”

“Pretty soon the only people left will be all these religious nuts and the voices inside my head.”

“NASA better not blow this or I will have no choice but to get rid of the whole agency.”

Trumps religous council

President Trump Names Man Who Claims That NASA Faked The Moon Landings To Investigate Child Slave Labor Camps On Mars.

July 1st, 2017

Area 51, Nevada: President Trump signed an executive order today that places conspiracy enthusiast and rabid Trump supporter, Infowars host Alex Jones, as the chairman of a new commission that will investigate charges that NASA is running a child slave labor camp on Mars. In 2014 Jones claimed that there was proof that NASA faked the moon landings.

In a statement to the media, Trump said that “ I can’t think of a better person to investigate this bigly horrible camp that NASA has built on Mars that uses child slave labor than my great friend Alex Jones.”

“He is very smartly, that I can assure you”

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was at Area 51 and was able to ask Jones a few questions.
When asked why NASA would fake the moon landings and simultaneously still be able to have a child slave labor camp on Mars, Jones responded:

“The facts are the facts. Just because you don’t believe them does not mean that they are not still facts. And the facts are that NASA faked the moon landings because they don’t want people to know that the Clintons are running child slave labor camps on Mars,  dumb ass.”

When asked what the Clinton child slaves on Mars are working on Jones answered:

“Well, first of all, the Clinton’s used their evil foundation to create these horrible child slave labor camps on Mars. That we know. They are being used for so many evil things. Like being trained as assassins. Senator Ted Cruz’s dad was trained as a child on Mars to assassinate President Kennedy for instance.”

“And these child slaves build the weather control machines that steer tornadoes and hurricanes into the red states to punish those God-fearing conservatives.”

“They are also used as guinea pigs for new vaccines to create an autistic race of humans.”

“They are being used as illegal voters that vote for liberals.”

“These child slaves on Mars even remotely flew the planes that attacked the US on 9/11”

When asked why no other news source on the planet can verify any of these crazy wild conspiracies Jones became angry:

“You mad bro because your real fake news didn’t break this story? Have you been eating the gay frogs that are grown on Mars by these poor slave children?