Category: Politics

President Trump Signs Executive Order Using The Currency From His Defunct Board Game To Eliminate The Budget Deficit

October 21st, 2018

Washington, DC: Pulitzer Prize award winner for journalism, RFN reporter Andy Mocksham, returned to his cherished correspondent duty this past week. His first assignment was based on a tip from several whistle-blowers inside the Federal Reserve, Dept of the Treasury and the White House itself.

Concerned by the ballooning deficit created by last years tax reform bill, the White House signed an executive order that would use the multi-colored currency from President Trumps now discontinued board game to pay down the national debt.

trump the game money

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham contacted the President on his still unsecured galaxy smartphone and asked him a few questions about the new Executive order, and how it will affect the deficit.

When asked why he would want to use fake currency from his defunct board game to buy down the federal deficit, Trump responded;

“That’s a great question Andy, I can’t understand why the rest of the fake news completely misses the stories that you dig into so bigly.”

“You are the best. I’m glad your hand is better.”

“Here is the deal. I needed those humongous tax breaks last year. Truth is that no matter how much I pilfer from the tax coffers by golfing every weekend, I’m still going broke. For some reason, those tax breaks are also making the country go broke.”

“I’m not an economist Andy, I’m a frustrated game show host. I would have been much happier as the host of Hollywood Squares or Wheel of Fortune, but I missed those opportunities by choosing the Apprentice and then putting all my effort behind my amazing board game.”

“It was so much better than Monopoly.”

“No one wanted to buy either version of my tremendous game. I printed billions of Trump dollars for both versions but only sold a few hundred thousand. It was a bigly colossal failure Andy.”

“Tremendously so.”

“I have billions of Trump Game dollars left over to balance the federal budget. But everyone is telling me that I can’t use them.”

“I don’t understand why. Canada has an amazing economy and they have been using Monopoly money since the 1930’s”

canadian money

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Adolph Hitler Wins Primary in Illinois

March 22nd. 2018

Chicago, Illinois:

Adolf Hitler, a Holocaust denier described as a Nazi by the Illinois Republican Party, won the Republican primary on Tuesday in the state’s Third Congressional District.

Hitler, 128 yrs old, unsuccessfully sought the nomination five times before, but his victory on Tuesday was a foregone conclusion after the Republican Party failed to draft another candidate to enter the race against him.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was able to talk to Hitler and asked him how it was possible for him to win a GOP primary.

“Even though I am a dead man Mocksham, I won the primary because the Republican Party screwed up big time.”

“No one ran against me the last time I ran for public office and won  back in the 1930’s either.”

The Illinois Republican Party has sought to distance itself from Mr. Hitler in recent weeks, even though they ran no one against him.

“Adolph Hitler is not a real Republican. That is true. He is an old school Nazi whose bigoted, racist views have gained traction in our party’s discourse,” the Illinois Republican Party chairman Hans Himmler, said in a statement.

Mocksham asked  whether Mr Hitler, who was born in Austria, is an illegal immigrant.  Illinois GOP chairman Himmler replied;

“It does not matter because he is a Caucasian.”

hitler smiling

Trump Orders NASA To Build Golf Resort On Mars.

March 18th, 2018

Washington, DC:   The White House announced that President Trump has signed an executive order that gives the space agency authorization to build a golf resort on Mars. The order comes on the heels of Trump’s announcement that he plans to build a “Space Force” to defend his golf resorts here on Earth.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham called the President on his unsecured Galaxy phone and asked him why NASA should build a golf resort on Mars. He responded;

“Mars is a perfect place for one of my tremendous Trump brand golf resorts Andy. The terrain is rugged, it has bigly hills and boulders. Its location would make it the most exclusive golf resort in our galaxy.”

“It would be desolate, much like my resort in Scotland. The Scots are all great people, but crap Mocksham, that place looks a lot like Alaska, only without Sarah Palin.”

When asked what the name of the resort would be, Trump answered;

“Christ Andy that is a no-brainer, even for you and your fake news.”

“Mars a Lago”

“I plan on spending every weekend there as President for life.”

mars a lago 4 (2)_InPixio

Roofs Collapse On Local GOP Headquarters All Across The USA

March 16th, 2018

Washington, DC:   All across the USA this winter, the roofs of local headquarters of the Republican National Committee have been collapsing. These collapses have occurred in many regions across the USA from Wisconsin, to as far south as Sarasota, Florida. And as recent as March 13th in the 18th congressional district of Pennsylvania.

collapsed roofs2

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was in the capitol today and was granted an interview with the current Republican National Committee chairperson, and former Governor of Massachusetts niece, Ronna Romney McDaniel.

When asked just how many roofs had collapsed on the RNC since January 2017, she responded;

“I am not sure of the total number, but it is between 40 and 50.”

“It all depends on whether you consider the headquarters of local RNC buildings involved, such as in elections for governor and mayor, as part of the total.”

“Either way it has been epic. Who would have thought that the weight of millions of snowflakes could do so much damage in so many places?”

collapsed roofs1

NASA Places SOS Message On White House Roof

March 1st, 2018

Washington, DC:     Nasa confirmed today that they were responsible for the large phallus shaped SOS message drawn on the roof of the White House.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham broke the story after he went up to the roof of the White House and noticed the drawing. When he asked who made the drawing, The White House roof staff responded;

“A team of NASA personnel just showed up one day and drew it.”

Mocksham then contacted NASA headquarters. NASA spokesperson Buzz Gemini agreed to answer a few questions. Mocksham asked if NASA made the drawing on the White House roof, and if so, why? Gemini answered;

“Yes Mocksham, we drew the large phallus on the roof of the White House. We here at NASA have seen many symbols found on other planets, the moon and yes, even here on Earth. The Nazca plains in Peru for example.”nazca phallus

Mars phallusmars phallus

“It is quite obvious from our knowledge of this ancient alien language that the phallus is the symbol of a planet being screwed over, so we felt it to be imperative that we place it on the roof of the most powerful building on Earth.”

“Maybe the Vulcans will see it and intervene in our planets time line a century earlier than planned.”

“The Ferengi are already here.”

A WEEK IN THE DEEP STATE

February 19th, 2018

Washington, DC:    RFN reporter Andy Mocksham spent a week deep inside the Deep State with its new director, Dr Strangelove. It was a very eye-opening experience.strangelove and mocksham 1

When asked what the  Deep State really was, Strangelove replied;

“Vell, diz iz a tricky qvestion Mocksham, UGHH…AGHH…DGHH…I really have no idea myzelf…Hehehe…I vas hoping dat you vould know? Hehehe”

“As you vill see, I have velly little to do except to make sure dat ze Deep State…AGHH…UNGHH…Remains velly Deep and full of ze murky shadowz.”

“Vatever dat meanz.”

Strangelove went on to show Mocksham how he protects a shadow government that does not exist. His security detail is made up solely of heavily armed, sometimes scantily clad Nuns, or as Strangelove refers to them;  “Ze zisterz who leave ze blisterz.”  nun with gun1
nun with guns2

Strangelove is also working with expert animal trainers to teach squirrels how to fly and sword fight with brand new prototype light sabers. And he has even managed to do what Dr evil has failed to do many times, create a shark with a real laser on it’s head.squirrels with light saberssharklaserbeamBW

Dr strangelove even has a new secret prototype space plane developed by NASA that is named “Deep State One.” strangeloves space plane

“Not even Mein Furher, I mean ze Prezident knowz about it. Itz a velly goot ting dat no vone readz your silly fake newz Mocksham, Hehehe.”

“Ve vill protect ze deep shadowz and Mein Furher GAHH..UNGHH…DGHH….From all ze threatz from ze land , ze sea and ze air.”

“To be honezt Mocksham, I am velly bored AGHH…DGHH…But I am having ze time of my life!”

“Letz go play vit my security AGCK…UNGH…. I mean letz go see if ze Zisterz are ready for a surprize attack…AGHH..UGHH…Hehehe…Hehehe…”

Dr Strangeloves cat “Malevolent.”strangeloves cat

Dr Strangeloves Deep State office is located deep inside of a bunker underneath the US Capitol.
shadow government