March 4th, 2017
Near Earth Orbit: In a top-secret visit to a new death star being constructed in orbit around planet earth, President Trump declared that “The American people will never have to feel threatened by Muslim terrorists, illegal immigrants or snowflake liberals ever again.”
He continued, “My budget calls for a Yuuuuge increase in military spending. No other country or planet in our solar system should be able to threaten the American way of life.”
“When you look around this bigly beautiful death star, you see America, and the future of the entire Galaxy.”
“We will spread our greatness around the stars, no one does space better than America does. Nobody.”
“We are tremendous. The best.”
RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was invited along for the voyage to the new Death Star.
The journey was conducted on the new SpaceX ‘Dragon One’ Presidential capsule.
When asked by Mocksham what the exact purpose of the Death Star would be, President Trump replied,
“C’mon Mocksham, didn’t you watch Star Wars? We will use this thing to blow up all the planets where the liberal snowflake rebels live and restore order to the galaxy.”
“People think that I am just a Nazi. Ha, the joke is on them.”