March 11^th,2017

Tallahassee, FL: A bill has been introduced in the Florida State house of representatives to make it illegal for a single senior citizen to obtain a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication. The sponsor of the bill, Prudy Priggish(R) from Needmore Florida, says that it is the only way to prevent the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and sexual offenses taking place in senior communities all over the state.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham went deep into the story to make this article. He asked house representative Priggish to describe the problem. She replied,

“Do you know how many seniors catch STD’s Mocksham? It’s almost 50% of the population. These retirement homes are like that movie Animal House. A big orgy of old people. They can’t get pregnant anymore, so they just go at it like rabbits on this medicine.”

“Then there are the old guys who get excited and then force themselves on women who turn away their advances. It’s getting out of control.’”

Mocksham then met up with a medical expert in this area, Dr. Richard Eldercock at the University of Florida’s senior research center in Gainesville. When asked if there really is this big of a problem, he responded,

“You bet. Big time Mocksham.”

“Medicare is spending more money on treating STD’s in this age group than is spent on college campuses. I caught Chlamydia three times myself, just last year alone, hanging out with friends after work at the senior center.”

“And then there are the sexual assaults. The police have even created a new charge to arrest these guys with.”

“Assault with a prior dead weapon.”

“This is a very serious new problem that society and experts like me did not predict would ever happen. Americans are living longer and modern medicine is allowing us to really let it all hang out.”

“Ten years ago the big problem was going Senile.”

“Now we are all going Penile.”