March 18th, 2017
Winnipeg Manitoba, Canada: Famous Pegger inventor Granny Lilith Mackenzie, who has been a prolific inventor her entire life, accidentally stumbled upon time travel when she used her room heater to dry out her grandsons car who had left his sunroof open the night before.
RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was excited to see her again and ask her aboot her latest invention. When he asked her to describe how she did it, she responded:
“Barry, my grandson came home from work in the Lichtenstein food stall at the Forks market, and left his sunroof open all night. It rained and his front seats were good n soaked. I put my infrared room heater in between the front seats to speed up the drying out process.”
“Little did I know that I would also be distorting time itself !”
“That damn infrared heater, when combined with the Ford Focus ST 2.0 ecoboost turbo engine reacted just like the Flux Capacitor in the Back to the Future movies.”
“Only you don’t need any plutonium or a stainless steel car body to pull it off. Damn Mocksham, the car doesn’t even have to be moving! This particular infrared heater when cranked all the way up puts out exactly 1.21 gigahertz of infrared radiation. It has a frequency of 3000nm of wavelength with a quartz tungsten core. It’s a powerful beast !”
“I love Barry’s car and I frequently start it up and rev the engine to red line just to hear that thing rumble and pop. WOOOO!!! Turns out that at red line, this Borg Warner Ecoboost turbo engine reaches the exact same frequency as the infrared heater and things get crazy really fast! I blacked out and woke up a week earlier before the seats even got soaked!”
Mocksham was able to ask Barry about this to verify granny Lilith’s story, and he said:
“Hahaha, no way dude, Granny was drinking Crown Royal and passed out, you see?
She woke up the next afternoon cause it was so warm in my car with that heater cranked all the way up. She swore it was a week earlier because I had disconnected my battery last weekend and the time and date were totally hosed by a week!”
“God I love Granny Lilly. Remember when she invented warp drive and swore she spent the weekend on the pleasure planet Risa using my girlfriend’s vibrator!”
“That was kinda awkward, Eh Andy? We aboot lost our minds laughing, eh?