May 11^th, 2017

Washington, DC: After calling all the top US Generals “Incompetent” for not eliminating ISIS and disarming North Korea during his first 100 days in office, President Trump has signed an executive order that eliminates the entire Joint Chiefs of Staff.

He immediately signed a second one that proclaimed himself to not only be commander and chief of the armed forces, but a General and “Supreme Leader.”

His first decree was to have the White House landscapers remove existing landscaping and replace it with hundreds of banana trees. RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was able to reach the President on his unsecured Samsung Galaxy phone. He asked the President why.

“Mocksham, this a great country. The best, that I can tell you. But we have weak institutions. I am going to make them stronger and better.”

“The Generals don’t know how to win anymore. We haven’t won in a long time Mocksham. I will be the best General. I know more than them losers anyways. I watch Fox news and don’t read the fake news like your silly news.”

“Why banana trees? What a silly question! Bananas are the symbol of a great republic Mocksham, and I am going to make America great again. I promised to make America great again and great it will be!

“Ivanka and Jared have purchased the Banana Republic brand, it is such an iconic brand. It will be our brand. Americas brand.”

“We will be the greatest Banana Republic ever, that I can assure you.”