July 14th, 2017
Washington, DC: The Grim Reaper broke his timeless silence today and came out in support of Republican Senator Mitch McConnell’s revised GOP health care plan. Death has never openly supported any legislation, nor even felt that it was necessary.
Death granted a first time interview with RFN reporter Andy Mocksham at his office inside of Senator McConnell’s DC home. When asked why he felt that it was time to speak out in favor of this, or any legislation, Mr Reaper spoke:
“Mocksham, death is not to be feared. Put away your crucifix, it has no power over me. I am breaking my silence because I want people to stop fighting me. For centuries I could always depend on the old ways. Plague, pestilence, war, murder and so on. But along comes modern medicine and this God forsaken socialism.”
“Today, people have longer lifespans. Vaccines and antibiotics have made my job a lot harder Mocksham. Government health care plans have made life saving medicine affordable to the masses. Government scientists can isolate new viruses like Ebola and SARS right away and stop me in my tracks.”
“The WWW has connected people all over the world and made it harder to hate each other. War will soon become obsolete. Jesus H Christ I can’t even get anyone to start WWIII in the Middle East or Korea!!
“So my last hope is to make people fear government health care in the USA and make costs in the US become so expensive that people just decide to come with me right away when they get sick, and receive their first set of medical billing statements.”
“My next move will be to get the GOP to make medical bills exempt from bankruptcy law in the USA.”
“I will not be denied my harvest Mocksham.”