January 12th, 2018
Pyongyang, DPRK; The Korean Central News Agency, the official news source of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea has placed the blame for all of its recent missile launches squarely on the feline shoulders of the Supreme Leaders pet cat.
RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was back in action and on the Korean peninsula to report about the preparations for the 2018 winter Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea next month. He was invited to do a rare interview with the North Korean supreme leader, Kim Jong-un at his palace in Pyongyang.
The interview was very brief and conducted with an interpreter. Mocksham was informed at the start that he was only allowed a few questions, all approved by the interpreter’s overseer in advance. The overseer would submit the questions to his superior who would then relay them to the Supreme Leader. The questions would only be allowed to cover the topic submitted by the Korean Central News Agency.
The topic was the inadvertent systematic launching of progressively more advanced missiles by North Korea in the last 18 months.
Mockshams first approved question was; Who is directly responsible for the missile launches?
The answer from the interpreter; “The Supreme leader has a very talented and mischievous pet cat who has free reign of the great desk of the people where the Supreme Leader controls the entire universe from. This special and very talented cat has advanced button pressing skills and seems to know when the Supreme leader has mastered the next step in missile technology. His super being cat curiosity makes him inadvertently press the launch button on the great desk of the people while the Supreme Leader is tending to other areas of the universal perfection of mankind.”
Next approved question; Where did this cat come from and what is his name?
Answer; “American President Trump gave the amazing and skilled cat to the Supreme Leaders father back when he was the great ruler of all the universe. NBA basketball star and best basketball player in the universe Dennis Rodman delivered the gift personally. The cat was seen to have incredible, amazing, fantastic abilities and allowed full access to the great desk of the people.”
“His name is revered in modern folklore and dynasty, it is said to have been bestowed upon him by the then reality TV show host Trump himself, It is 배설물 국가 or ‘Shithole Country’ in English. It is said that this name represents Trumps view of the entire universe outside of the USA.”
“What better name for a cat who is clever enough to launch missiles. Thank you once again, President Trump.”