November 12th, 2018
Washington, DC: President Trump today announced that he has awarded the nations highest civilian honor, the Presidential Medal Of Freedom, to his biggest campaign contributor, Dr Evil.
The notorious global antagonist is said to have contributed over one billion US dollars to Trumps various businesses and political campaign.
When questioned by RFN reporter Andy Mocksham about how the President could award the medal of freedom to such a reviled global villain, white house press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders answered;
“OK look Mocksham, here you go again. This man is a committed doctor, philanthropist, and humanitarian, as well as a lifetime member of the international proliferation of weapons association.”
“He even has a laser mounted on the Moon that can destroy entire cities. If that doesn’t deserve a medal, then I don’t know what else a man can do.”
RFN reporter Mocksham then met with Dr Evil himself at one of his many hidden global secret lairs. When asked why he felt that he was deserving of the nations highest civilian honor, Dr Evil responded;
“Throw me a friggen bone Andy, I deserve it because if I don’t get it Mr Bigglesworth would get very angry” pointing to his pet cat.
“And he likes to break things. You wouldn’t want him breaking anything important, would you? Like global peace and prosperity? I didn’t think so.”
“Is not a little medal worth global peace? Besides, who else did you expect Trump would give it to? Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk? The friggen Pope?