January 2^{nd, 2017}

^{Madison, WI: Local raccoon Rocky went on an all-night bender after his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.}

Local college students noticed him passed out in the front yard of the campus Delta Delta Delta sorority house around 8am.

Sorority pledge Marla Funtight told RFN reporter Andy Mocksham that she saw Rocky sneak into the house new years party the night before.

“No one thought anything about it because we all heard that he was going to AA”. She said.

When questioned about why he was passed out in the front yard by Mocksham, Rocky replied;

“Damn, I am so hungover right now, leave me alone.” When further pressed for an answer he slobbered and said “I am trying to quit drinking but it was new years and there was so much alcohol inside the sorority house. I just kept sneaking in and grabbing beers until I blacked out.”

“I went to my first AA meeting right before the party, and sitting there for three hours listening to people talk about drinking made me really, really thirsty.”

“You got any alka seltzer?”