February 13th, 2017
Pyongyang DPRK: North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un gave a speech today in front of the Workers Party Congress in the capital of Pyongyang. He told his fellow comrades that the rest of the world has a great misunderstanding of their collective great historic missile development program. He stated that the missile program is not meant for nuclear warheads, but instead to create the worlds fastest online shopping delivery service on the planet to compete with Amazon.
“Why would we leave this technology to the capitalists in the west?” The young leader asked the assembly of his hand-selected legislators.
“The Korean people have always prided themselves in the belief that we will deliver anything, anywhere, anytime. And our intercontinental ballistic missiles will soon be able to deliver the best black bean noodle soup to every world capital within minutes!” Said the young leader as the room drowned out the rest of his speech with cheers and chants.
The White House was totally unaware of the speech and when questioned by a pool reporter Spokesman Sean Spicer answered,
“ They want to deliver Korean black bean noodle soup to the US capitol in just minutes? Damn, that sounds really good, I am ready for lunch! How about you guys?”
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos refused to respond to inquiries from the press.
However, Wall St analyst Clive Casino at Berkshire Hathaway told RFN reporter Andy Mocksham,
“This is a game changer. Amazon is clearly behind the Iranians and North Koreans in sophisticated heavy payload fulfillment delivery rocket technology.”