March 1^st.2017

Washington, DC:      The White House released a statement today that President Trump is placing Dr. Stranglove in charge of the Missile Defense Agency or MDA. The agency’s main mission is to defend the United States and its allies from a ballistic missile attack. It was originally established in 1983 by the Reagan administration and named the Strategic Defense Initiative, or more popularly called the “Star Wars” program. It was renamed in 2002.

White House press secretary Sean Spicer was asked about the appointment of Dr. Strangelove by the press pool during his daily briefing. He stated,

“Dr. Stranglove has a proud history of working in this field if you recall they even made a movie about him back in the 60’s when he aided then President Kennedy in defending the US during a crisis.”

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was able to ask Dr. Stranglove a few questions after the briefing by phone. When asked if there was anything different today then back when he first worked for the Department of Defense, he answered,

“MOCKSHAAAAAMM, Veee now have zee lazers and zzzzzeee SATELLITES, Agk, ughh, unhhh.”

“Please excuuze me, I still have ze issues vit my handzz..Hahaha, hahaha, hahahaha.”

The Pentagon released a statement that they were not worried if any current senior officers were going to go rogue and launch an attack on Russia or China. They did not mention Iran or North Korea in the statement.