March 13th, 2017
Washington, DC: President Trumps White House chief strategist Steve Bannon, the Alt-right white supremacist and CEO of the far right fringe Breitbart news, threatened to move the entire executive branch of the United States to his compound in Guyana.
White House communications director Sean Spicer read a statement to the press pool gathered in the media room of the White House. He did not take any questions from the stunned reporters who were gathered there.
“President Trump has given wide leeway in the policy-making of his administration to chief strategist Steve Bannon. Mr. Bannon has offered to relocate the entire administration to his expansive, modern Alt right compound in Guyana. Mr. Bannon feels that the political climate here in Washington has become extremely toxic. The fake news media questions every tweet and mocks the administration with probing questions about matters that are none of their business. Congress keeps trying to write legislation that has nothing to do with the President’s agenda. The Democrats want an independent prosecutor to investigate the President’s campaign and business ties to Russia. Attorney Generals from half the states drag us into court for every little executive order. None of this stuff has anything to do with Mr. Bannons plans to re-write the constitution, dismantle the Federal Government, NATO, and the EU.”
RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was able to reach President Trump on his unsecured Samsung Galaxy phone and asked him if he was willing to move to Guyana,
“Dammit Mocksham, I have had it up to my hair, my amazing hair by the way, with all the fake news people trying to make me look like a fool. Steve has great bigly tremendous ideas that will make America great again in his image, and there is no way we can get any of it done with a bunch of mean nasty busybodies in Washington getting in the way”
“He has built a tremendous luxury compound in the jungle in Guyana. It’s the best Mocksham, just fantastic let me tell you. You would love it.”
“No way Steve and I are going to let this government conspiracy to undermine us get in the way.”
“If they don’t back off, we will all just leave and Steve can do our jobs from the jungle.”
They can take their big government fake news cult and shove it!”