March 29^th, 2017

Washington, DC:    The White House announced yesterday that it was going to add an addendum clause to President Trump’s federal hiring freeze executive order to allow every member of his family to become a USA federal employee.

The Presidents daughter Ivanka will be his official assistant in charge of helping him not look like a complete misogynist, and her husband Jared Kushner will be his official adviser in charge of taking the blame for any suspicious activity between the Trump administration and the Russians.

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham had lunch with the president. And in between chewing and spitting out bits of his favorite ‘Putin’s Apron’ meatloaf while he talked, he was more than willing to expound on his unprecedented and historical nepotism.

“Ivanka has the smarts that I am lacking when it comes to the hot babes Mocksham. I have no game, let me tell you. If it was not for my celebrity and Russian money, I would be totally alone.”

“Yeah, that’s right, I know it’s hard to believe that with my awesome hair and tan. But I would never be able to bag a smoking hot model like Melania without their money, it’s true.”

“Jared has all the connections to be the fall guy and take the blame for all of this out of control Russian quicksand that my administration is in. He is the best, just the best at taking the blame for stuff.”

“I thought that Paul Manafort was the best guy for the job, but no, he is too sleazy. Jared is going to be phenomenal, let me tell you.”

“Jared has no idea how good he is going to be. What are sons-in-law for?

“This is what great Czars and leaders do historically Mocksham. We advance our daughters and sacrifice their loser husbands.”

“Isn’t this fun.”