April 11^th, 2017

Chicago, Illinois: United Airlines forcibly evacuated an entire overbooked flight yesterday when no passengers accepted compensation to be bumped. The airline had offered passengers $800 dollars to be placed on another flight but none of them accepted the offer.

Airline industry spokesman, Gratis Surcharge, made a statement to the media:

“United was well within their rights as an American corporation to evacuate the entire flight and leave these ungrateful passengers stranded.”

“An airline’s priorities are to make as much profit as possible, not to provide a seat to every paying passenger.”

RFN reporter Andy Mocksham was on the flight and was willing to accept the $800 dollars along with a no luggage fee and a free meal on another flight, but the airline wanted three more passengers to accept the offer. When no one did, the plane taxied to the farthest area away from the terminal and ordered an emergency evacuation.

“It was pretty scary, we all thought that the plane was on fire or something.”

“But as we were walking back to the terminal the plane taxied by us and the pilot flipped us the Bird.”

“Welcome to the friendly skies of profit over people airlines.”